Saturday, July 30, 2011

My Lil' Sunshine

We had a spontaneous photo shoot, because I have a very sad amount of photos of Adoration for this month. I took them in what is essentially our backyard. Isn't it beautiful? There are the prettiest oak trees for shade and the grass is so green. Do you see how Adoration has lost so much of her baby chub? She has changed so much just in this last month! eee!! I could just eat her little toddlesness up. She is just so yummy.

I tried to jump in at the end....but they came out a lil' blurry. arghh....self timers.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Choose Joy

You know how I said I needed to get packed, moved, and unpacked before I could process my emotions? Well, we are pretty much unpacked. James has been in Atlanta since Monday for work so it's just been me and the patoot. Adoration hasn't really been taking naps because she is just too excited about her new walking skills (this always happens when she takes a developmental leap.) So chasing around my toddler, all by my lonesome, with no nap breaks, and with no reprieve/adult conversation/cuddles from my hubby at the end of the day, whilst trying to learn a brand new place and not really knowing anybody has been fraying my nerves and patience.

Today we went to story time at the library. The actual story time was wonderful. Adoration loved it. I, on the other hand, was desperate for some kind of connection with some other mommy there, vainly trying to make conversation with women who just didn't seem that interested. Ahh well, maybe next time.

We got home and I gave Adoration a snack in her high chair (for like the tenth time. I feel like our whole day revolves around her constant need for food...and then cleaning up after each meal/snack.) I took the opportunity of her relative stillness to take a break and sat down and did the whole surfing facebook/blog thing. I was updating myself on all my Charlotte friends, with their Couple's nights, play dates, baby showers and picnics.....and then it just hit me like a freight train, that is not my life anymore. And my heart got all tight and some kind of emotion washed over me. What was this feeling? Oh yes....loneliness. I felt lonely. I missed my husband, I missed my heart friends, I missed knowing other mommies, I missed familiarity, and I felt so very separated from all that I had know the last four years.

And I had a mini breakdown.

The tight feeling around my heart, and that emotion called loneliness rose up all at once into my throat and I covered my face with my hands, finally let myself give into it, and I sobbed. I sobbed and said a tearful goodbye to my Charlotte life that had become so dear to me. Because I knew, we chose this. We chose to leave comfort, familiarity, and wonderful community to come here and start all over. We chose it because we felt like it was where God was leading us. And I vowed long ago that I would follow the Lamb wherever He goes.

In the midst of my sobbing and letting go, I felt Loneliness trying to take my heart down with it into it's Misery, trying to convince me that we had made the wrong decision, that God didn't really lead us here. It was giving it's best argument and I felt my heart going down with it. I was losing the battle. Then my daughter, who had never seen me cry like this, started giggling. With my hands covering my face, she thought I was playing peek-a-boo, which is her favorite game right now. The tinkling bells of her laughter brought me back to reality, and in the midst of that sweet sound, I heard the phrase, "Choose Joy." I knew it was God reminding me that I have a fall into the abyss of Self or to choose Joy. It's okay to feel sad about the life that we have left, but it's not okay to let that sadness lie to me and rob my joy and thankfulness for the new things God is doing. So today, I choose Joy.

19 For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19


I am in full on nesting mode at our new house. We have all the big stuff set up, now I'm just working on the little touches. I decided to cover all our books (brings me back to junior high) with some brown packing paper. I left my pretty hardbacks uncovered, but all the rest of my paperbacks and not-so-pretty hardbacks are getting the brown paper treatment.

One wall of our main living area is a big built in, with storage on the bottom and display shelves on the the top. I like the built-in and appreciate the display shelves, EXCEPT behind all the display shelves are mirrors. I love our new house...except for those mirrors. I just know when they built it, probably in the early 90's, they thought all those mirrors were just so swanky. Needless to say, I don't agree. If we owned this place I would cover those mirrors with a fun wall paper. But we are just renters.

So anyways, I'm doing what I can and trying to make really pretty displays on those shelves, and am currently pining for a big piece of driftwood for an organic feel. These shelves will serve as our bookshelf too, so that is why I am covering all our books. I want all the books to be cohesive and pretty. Brown packing paper was the perfect, thrifty solution.

I've started a beach treasure jar as well. We went to the beach the other day and Adoration helped me collect our first treasures for the jar. Seashells and feathers; what could be better?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Birthday Party Photos

Oh my, it's been so busy, I forgot to post Adoration's birthday party pictures. I posted the sneak peek, and her birthday video, and now here are some photos! Enjoy the baby cuteness.

sigh. I love all these babies so much!

13 months

So far, Adoration's 13th month has been a very eventful month. She's grown like two inches taller, while staying the same weight. Her baby pudge is dwindling away. *tear*. Two more teeth popped through her gums. We moved to a different state. She can say a bunch of new words (hi, baby, what's that?, dog, and various animal noises.) She is starting to wean (more on this later.) And oh yeah, she started walking. She took her first steps the night before we moved. I cried a little bit when she took her first steps. It was already an emotional night as I was saying goodbye to one of my bestest friends. Then Adoration just stood up and walked, and tears just sprung into my eyes! She is up to about ten steps now.
All this change, developmentally and environmentally has made her crankier than normal. Plus she is always hungry. She eats ALL day long, the hungry, little hippo. This month is flying by and I've vowed to myself to make sure to take some pics of her this week, because she's changing so much and I need to freeze the memory of her at this stage!

the little model.
Dear Adoration,

I know it's been a little crazy around here lately but I hope you will always find a safe place in me and your daddy when the world is shifting all around you. We will never be perfect but I hope that despite our imperfections, that you will always feel at home with us. And even more, I hope you will always seek refuge in your Heavenly Daddy who never changes and is perfect in love.

I love you little girl. I'll make sure we go to the beach together lots here in our new home. It can be our special place. <3

a thousand kisses,

your Mama.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Pretty Tired.

Hello from Florida! The past couple days have been a whirlwind.... packing galore,a garage sale, visits from both sides of our parents the two days before we moved, teary goodbyes with heart friends, and a teething baby (those darn canines!), 12 hours of driving split over two days, and a mess of boxes still in the process of being unpacked. Whew!

We are pretty tired.

I'll be blogging as we explore our new home. I can't wait to document all the newness around us, but expect it to be slow around here through the next week. For now I will leave you with my first impressions of our new home:

* It's hot, but not that hot. It feels about the same as Charlotte right now, but dare I say cooler? There is breeze always blowing here.

* Our neighborhood is full of the most beautiful oak trees lining all the sidewalks. For some reason I thought Florida was void of oak trees. I was preparing myself to miss NC oak trees like crazy. All the oak trees lining the sidewalks heralded us in as we drove into the neighborhood. I was so happy to see my oak friends, I almost cried.

*There are lots of geckos. I think they are pretty cute.

*Good Lord, there are lots of old people.
I have to admit, it feels kinda strange though to be surrounded by so many of the over 60 set.

*Adoration loves her new room already. I find her crawling into her room to play. This makes my heart so happy.

*There is more space for Adoration to play, for us to be a family, for us to
have people over. It's like I can stretch my legs out and breathe.This makes my heart happy as well.

* I'm still processing my emotions. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know we don't really
know anybody here and that all my best friends are twelve hours away.

*Sunny Florida really is sunny.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Moving on out.

A packing TORNADO has hit our house! We move in six days. People keep asking me how I feel and honestly I don't quite know how I feel right now. I am the type of person that likes my space in order. Until we are all packed up, moved, and unpacked, I probably won't be able to process all my emotions about the move. When my space is cluttered, my mind is cluttered. I find myself wanting to take breaks in this packing process and escape to nice, clean, orderly spaces just to breathe. You know...just go to Target and admire all the nice rows of color coordinated things and wide aisles, with a Starbucks in hand.

It will probably be pretty quiet on the blog for a bit with the whole moving process. Next time, hopefully I will be saying "hey" from our new home in south Fl!

Till next time!
xoxo, Kristina

Friday, July 8, 2011

Summertime vol.3

Summertime vol. 3 = Pool Play Date (Have you noticed that ALL the summertime posts have involved Adoration in a swimsuit? Well, this is the South, and it's hot down here, ya'll! Plus babies in swimsuits is the cutest. ever.)

Today, me and the patoot had a pool play date with some other mama/kiddos. They were all so darn cute I was wishing I had brought my camera. I did remember though, that I had documented a pool play date earlier in the summer with the trusty camera. I had forgotten all about these pics! So this should have been Vol. 1, not 3 because it was before the other summertime events. details. details.

Rachael's lil' boy, Ames, with his cute little old man belly.
and the newbie sisters, below.

Sleepy Kael. I love him.
Anna with Isabel and Adoration, kindred spirits.
Micah and Sparrow. The cheeks. killing me.
and the big boy, sweet Oliver.

*sigh* I will miss all these play dates with these mamas and their babies when we move. Don't ya'll want to come down and visit us at the beach? ;)

Monday, July 4, 2011

12 months: letter

Adoration is almost 13 months now. She is changing every day. Yesterday she took her first teeny little step. She uses her baby signs and just learned how to sign, "banana." She says, "mama," dada," "uh-oh," "woof-woof" (for dogs,) "up," and on the rare occasion "all done." She is down to nursing just twice a day, but still hates any kind of milk that doesn't come straight out of a boob. She is a good eater and loves blueberries. She is officially in to everything and loves the bathroom and spice drawer. She is still a little scientist. She still loves to give kisses. She is sweet and very silly. Her hair turns more blond each time she is the sun. She has less baby chub and is taller. She knows when she is doing something she shouldn't. She loves to dance to music. She loves books and will giggle every time you ask her if she wants to read a book. Her personality becomes more animated every day. I love this little girl, and all that she is.

I confess that her turning one years old was a little emotional for me. My baby is growing into a little girl. How can one year go by so quickly, yet seem so long in retrospect?
I've had trouble sitting down to write this 12 month post, because really, how do I even begin to capture the richness and complexities of the past year? All I know, is that despite the sacrifices, the mundane, the letting go of freedom, and the changes, this has been the best year of my life. Because it has been the first year of her life. Because she is here.

Little patoot playing dress up.
Dear Adoration,

You are one years old. You are in that sweet place between baby hood and becoming a little girl. I know I will blink and the baby will be gone and a precocious little girl will have taken the place.
No matter your stage, you will be forever be my daughter, and for that I am more thankful than you could ever know.
At one years old, you are such a little explorer. I love to watch you explore the world with so much awe and wonder. Adoration, I pray as you grow, that you will never lose your child like awe and wonder. Those are things that were never meant to be outgrown. I pray your eyes will always remain so clear and your heart soft to see all the goodness that God has set before you.

Adoration Joy, I am so proud of you. I love you.

a thousand kisses,

your Mama.

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