I struggle with knowing how much personal content to share on this blog. When I first started a blog, only close friends really read it, and the intention was to keep them clued in with my life. My family didn't even know I had one. So it was a no brainer. Now it's a little more difficult. My blog isn't super popular or anything, nor am I trying to get it to be, but it is a reality that more than just my close friends read it. Now this blog is a combination of a personal family album with some extra stuff thrown in. I like to think, that in real life, I am a pretty transparent person. The internet is a little trickier. I don't mind sharing personal content that just involves me, it's the personal stuff that involves other people I have trouble with. I don't want to say anything I will regret later, or that I would regret my daughter reading later on, or that could hurt someone regardless of my feelings towards them at the time.
I've debated sharing this for some time, and if I did, how to do it. But it has been a huge part of my lately, and is the reason why I haven't posted many other personal things. This kinda takes the cake right now. I want to be respectful but I don't want to hide under a rock either and pretend like none of this is happening.
This has been a great time of change for my little family. We moved away from a close knit community and a city we loved to a brand new state where we didn't know anybody. Despite the growing pains, it's been a good move for us, which I'll talk about another time. Other changes have been not so easy.
Not long after we moved, my parents marriage started to unravel. Well...it's probably been unraveling for a long time. But the events that brought everything to light weren't pretty, with many lies, deceptions, and dishonorable behaviors and attitudes. It's been a stressful time for me, having to come to terms with the falling apart of my parents marriage, having to navigate a relationship with someone I don't recognize anymore, and be a support to members of my family.
This isn't a "woe is me" kind of tale, because I realize so many people go through this all the time. And this world is filled with heartaches. But it is still hard and I am still in the middle of it. I'm trying to figure out what forgiveness looks like in this situation. Not just what it looks like, but how to do it. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate a relationship with a family member that has obviously changed. And I'm trying to cling to One who is always good and never changes. I'm trying to be the best wife and mother I know how to be, with me and my husband working hard to write a much different story for our family.
That is all I really feel comfortable sharing, though at one point, out of anger, I would've shared all the sordid details. I don't want to talk bad about anyone though, especially when it's family and especially when it's in the public eye. You just can't undo that kind of stuff. But I am trying to honest about what's going on in my life. So I've kept the details spare and have tried to stick to how it's affecting me personally.
Unfortunately, life can't always be love letters, ocean views, and adorable toddlers. So if I get a little quiet on this blog from time to time, just know we are living life over here and all that it encompasses.