|via Pinterest. couldn't find it's origin, to credit. :( If you know, tell me!|
The weeks are winding down until Baby Boy is due to arrive. Entering into my third trimester, I had a breakdown of sorts. He is almost HERE. Two years ago, the anticipation of Adoration's arrival was quite different. We lived in Charlotte, surrounded by friends and community. There were plenty of people to squeal in excitement with over my pregnancy, to join in my joyful anticipation, and to bring us meals after the baby was born. There were four showers thrown by friends and family. We didn't have to cook for a month after baby was born. We were so very surrounded by love throughout the entire process...and we were blessed.
This time around, things have been quite different. We are JUST starting to find community here after a year of living in South Florida, so as of now...there will be no showers or masses of people rushing to our door to bring us meals. I've never been very close to my own family, but things have pretty much fallen apart on that front so I feel even more estranged from them. Emotions are too raw and complex towards both my parents for me to feel like they are much of a support in this time. And though this may sound like a pity party.....I promise, it's not. I've been mostly optimistic and hopeful. I have so very, very much that I am thankful and that is what I mostly choose to focus on.
Despite my effort towards optimism, I crossed that bridge into the third trimester and that little bit of a breakdown hit. I missed friends. I missed community. And I wanted people around me to celebrate this baby with me. And it made me really, really sad that was lacking. A year feels like a long time to not be able to truly have a deep conversation with a friend (in person) or to laugh until our belly's ache and tears are streaming down our faces. My sweet husband (and very best friend) saw that my relational little heart could use some refreshing and was already secretly planning for me to take a trip to Charlotte. Before he could even carry out his plans, I finally broke down and cried/begged for a trip to Charlotte. I knew that after this baby came I wouldn't really have a chance for awhile. So we bought the plane ticket and made the plans for me to visit for a couple of days.
I recently returned that trip and I feel so very refreshed. I got to spend time with some dear friends that make everything around them beautiful with their love, kindness, and creativity. And they are real and not afraid to be vulnerable. They are generous and hilarious.. They are best kinds of people. I got to spend time in a city I love, around the rolling hills, wooded scenery, southern accents and hospitality that feels like home. The last night of the trip, I thought I was on my way to a girl's night which turned out be a surprise baby shower. Really just getting to spend time with these friends was enough for me, I had no expectations. It's not like we really needed a shower as we have most of our stuff from Adoration. But I got so touched by the shower, even more than I would've expected. It wasn't even about the stuff for me (which was great!) but it was just knowing that this baby was being celebrated. And that meant everything to me.
I don't regret our move to South Florida. Despite some of the difficulties on the surface, I know this has been a time of growth for me on the inside, and for us as a family. My husband was able to step up for his company(which we love) in this region in a time where they needed it. We have found an amazing church where we are starting to be refreshed and challenged so very much, in the best possible ways. It is common for us to hit up the beach at least once a week. Our daughter is loving being surrounded by warm weather and water all the time. There have been many blessings.
Right now we aren't sure whether we will be here short or long term but I'm trying (and often failing) at being content with where the Lord has us.